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[Pomorzany]

I'm having trouble again with my protagonist. In the scene I'm writing, she's clammed up.

 Some background. A few nights before this current scene, she was snooping around the murder victim's house, when her best friend sneaks in with a lover (a rather grotesque place to have sex--in the victim's bed, but..there you go). She hides in the other room listening and gritting her teeth in embarrassment, rage, betrayal and whatnot. Needless to say, she starts avoiding this friend, but then runs into her on her (the protagonist's) parents' porch.

What I want to get across is her friend's "long time no see" attitude, together with underlying hurt feelings about the fact that my protagonist has been avoiding her. But...my protagonist gal goes mum. What does she say, do, think?
I know that the problem is not hers, but MINE! I know that the reason I put the friend in this scene (which serves another purpose altogether) was manipulative---I wanted to remind the reader that she's still there, which is not a very kosher reason for having her there. Maybe that's the reason for my main character's (and my) paralysis.

How can I set her (myself) free?
Jane Berman

[Leon]

Jane Berman,

I think the answer to your question is within the question you asked and answered all by yourself.
The character doesn't belong in the scene.
The characters are telling you to help them find another way to remind the reader of their importance.
Review the protagonist's goal and motive may help solve doubt.

Leon


I'm having trouble again with my protagonist. In the scene I'm writing, she's clammed up.

Some background. A few nights before this current scene, she was snooping around the murder victim's house, when her best friend sneaks in with a lover (a rather grotesque place to have sex--in the victim's bed, but..there you go). She hides in the other room listening and gritting her teeth in embarrassment, rage, betrayal and whatnot. Needless to say, she starts avoiding this friend, but then runs into her on her (the protagonist's) parents' porch.

What I want to get across is her friend's "long time no see" attitude, together with underlying hurt feelings about the fact that my protagonist has been avoiding her. But...my protagonist gal goes mum. What does she say, do, think?
I know that the problem is not hers, but MINE! I know that the reason I put the friend in this scene (which serves another purpose altogether) was manipulative---I wanted to remind the reader that she's still there, which is not a very kosher reason for having her there. Maybe that's the reason for my main character's (and my) paralysis.

[CarolG.]

Well... I agree with Leon that your question contains the answer, but I disagree about what the characters are telling you

What I want to get across is her friend's "long time no see" attitude, together with underlying hurt feelings about the fact that my protagonist has been avoiding her. But...my protagonist gal goes mum.

Given what you're trying to convey, I think that clamming up is the perfect response. The protaganist is continuing to avoid the friend by refusing to speak. Maybe you can convey her thoughts as she listens to her friend and says nothing. Maybe she's just numb and has nothing to say. I would ask the character why she's not talking, and see if she'll talk to you, even if she won't talk to the friend.

[penny]

I go with Carol, Jane. Your MC is clamming up,because that's her natural response. She doesn't know what to say or how to say it without complicating her relationship with the friend. Or maybe she has  some other reason. In other words: You're doing fine. You are talking with your characters. And this character is telling you she can't speak her mind now. Now take it from there.

As for the friend-on-scene-manipulation - well, she's already there, and I'm sure you'll be able to brew trouble out of that!

Good luck,
Penny

[Pomorzany]

Thanks for the advice, good friends!

I think it must've loosened me up and taken the pressure off, because I had an important breakthrough with the characters and that scene. I don't remember ever realizing that we must respect our characters' silences in the same way we respect their voices!

Thanks again!
Jane Berman